The arrival of your little one brings about so many emotions — happiness, excitement, anxiousness, overwhelm, and sometimes, even resentment toward your partner. A huge adjustment like a new baby can add strain to a relationship, and you’re not alone if it happens to you! In fact, research done by the Gottman Relationship Institute in Seattle shows that two-thirds of couples become unhappy with their relationship within 3 years of having a child. But don’t worry, Mama! With a little extra effort and time, your relationship after baby will be stronger than ever!
Why the trouble?
Juggling the challenges that come with a new addition to your family can all put some strain on your relationship:
Financial discussions
Lack of sleep
Limited time for each other
New responsibilities
But most of the trouble comes from both parties being unaware of what the other one is going through. Parenthood comes with challenges for everyone, and being aware of those goes a long way in maintaining the happiness of your relationship!
New Mama: After giving birth, many new mamas can feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and secondary to their new baby, which can often give a (temporary!) loss of identity. All of this can also be paired with some body image issues, as new moms are going through a lot of changes as they adjust to postpartum life.
Partners can help in all of these areas simply by being more understanding, offering support, and reminding mama of her worth all on her own.
New Dad: After the little one arrives, dads can often feel left out and isolated as mama’s attention is diverted toward taking care of the little one. With a little extra attention, Dad will feel more valued and appreciated during the period of adjustment!
What can we do?
Find time to spend together. Carving out time each week to spend together is great for the health of your relationship! While time is hard to find with a newborn, even some time spent talking about your week, watching a favorite tv show together, or even sharing some conversation over takeout — it doesn’t have to be a fancy date, mama, just some time with the one you love.
Address finances early. Getting the money talk out of the way before baby arrives is a great idea! This keeps the stress level to a minimum, and will make sure you’re both on the same page with decisions! Will you be a SAHM? Will you go back after maternity leave? What will your monthly budget look like for your little one’s arrival? Crossing all of these bridges early will be a huge stress-saver.
Make an effort to maintain intimacy. Sex can be the last thing on your mind after having a baby, and that’s okay. But maintaining a sense of intimacy in other ways is great for your actual health and the health of your relationship! Even if it’s just a much needed hug after a long day, staying affectionate with your partner is good for both of you.
Seek help if you need it. There are counseling services just for situations like this! Talk to your healthcare provider about your options — there’s no shame in seeking some additional help, and it will be a great reminder that you’re not the only ones that have been through this!
Feeling tension is perfectly normal, and can be inevitable with new stress, lack of sleep, and general overwhelm, but there are ways to handle it and get your relationship back to feeling normal!